Ever since my last post my dial up has been a pain in my keester. I would no sooner get on line and then I would get bumped off again. GRRRRRRR!!!! This morning was the last straw, a busy signal when we picked up the phone. HUH? No, I wasn't on line. Anyway, we called the phone company, they told us NOT to use the phone for 15 minutes (I made everyone stay off for an hour) and they would do a "diagnostic test" but that our phones would be "fixed" by January the 5th! AAAACK!!!
Well, obviously everything is back to normal so..... here am I!
Gosh, where do I begin? Christmas was good, we had a girl from church come to share dinner with us. She is in her mid twentys I suppose and her husband worked a double shift. She would have been sitting at home by herself so we invited her over. She spent the most of the day over here. We just seemed so busy over the holidays, but doing what I can't really recall. There was paint balling for my oldest son, swimming for the kids, movies to go to, kids over here almost every day, knitting, cleaning, cooking. *sigh* it's all a blurr now.
New Year's was uneventful. We watched It's A Wonderful Life (man, that movie depresses the crud out of me) and went to bed by 10:00. We kept telling everyone we celebrated at 7:00 a.m. with Sidney Australia so we didn't have to stay up until midnight! HA!
I have to get things together for my oldest to go paintballing again this afternoon. This time I have him geared up, cammies, boots, the works. Last time he wasn't dressed like everyone else and he was made fun of. I kind a crawled some fannies about it...ok well, I have a way of making people feel small by pointing out the obvious. Here is a Mother's heart, torn up by what she saw...
My oldest is 13, and looking forward to paint balling with his buds (scouts). We get him a box of 500 paint balls and go to Doc's house. He is so excited (he's NEVER done this before) and he jumps out of the van, box of paint balls in hand and as he walks closer he groans. His shoulders begin to droop and he says quietly, "everyone is wearing camoflauge. As he gets closer all of his "buds" say "hi" then, "man, where are your cammos?!" My son says, "I don't have any..." then they all start in on him raggin him hard, and all the while, Doc is over there, shaking his head like, "Poor idiot". Yeah, he's rich, he doesn't have to worry about it, huh?
Finally, I said in a loud voice. "We have 4 kids. I can barely keep everyone fed and clothed much less spend lots of money on extras. We work like dogs and don't have time or money to take him hunting, or anything else. We just don't have it give like some of yall's parents." I saw at least 3 or 4 boys look down and turn away. "Yeah, it's called being poor." I added and glared at Doc. He was back trackin' big time, "We got him covered, he'll be ok, he'll be ok." I was P-Oed and I told my son, "ask Rod if he can bring you home with Will or call me and I will pick you up." Turned and marched my little 5'3" self back to the van. I fumed and stewed over it all the way home. I was heart broken. My boy said he had a good time and was the last person "out" on his team. Rod and Will said he did great when they brought him home. Well, I dug out all of my old hunting gear and his daddy's. We have him outfitted and Rod (who BTW was not in on the "ragging" and is the daddy of Will, who also was not part of the "ragging") told us about a place where we could get our son a used paint ball gun for $50 and all the gear. For about $100 we can have him outfitted. Rod said that was what he did because, he is a mechanic and knows what it's like to feel the pinch. Will's advantage is, he has 2 sets of grandparents who are "loaded" and he is the only grandson of the wealthier of the 2. My kids have one grandparent and he is only able to give each child $25 for Christmas and Birthdays. I am grateful but it doesn't go far. I just pray that my kids will have the character to make up for the lack of money.
Anyway, I came home and was real quiet...went into the bathroom, turned on the vent and ran water in the sink and cried...cried to God, asking for forgiveness, asking for help and feeling ashamed. After a good cry I washed my face and made myself busy at the computer. My hubby picked up on my mood immediately and asked what happened. I told him and sadly, I didn't candy coat any of it. He listened and said, "ouch". I apologized and he said, "No, no need, but I am very disappointed in the boys. " My husband talked to our oldest later and was not happy. Apparently, because we don't let Taylor see the movies, listen to the music and do the things some of the other boys do they call him a "Mamma's boy". Now my turn, "ouch". Actually, his daddy is more protective then I am and well, Taylor is not a "jock". He wants to produce movies someday, and I have a feeling, that is exactly what he will do. I am proud of him for setting standards and not pushing the envelope. He is a good Christian, let God be his judge, not those little jerks.
Anyway, so that is my mood right now. Prepared for a fight. I have always been a loner. I never fit in anywhere I was. Now, I have passed on that terrible thing to my oldest son. God help him.
Now that I have totally depressed the crud out of myself, I need to get the boy ready to go (he needs to eat lunch).
Later~ katcha (whose feeling pretty low right now)
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