I Ask for Too Much...

I am having major guilties today. Hubby is sick, at work and stressed out. He has too much on his plate. First, work in general, next, scouts (he has to teach a course next summer and it is pretty big), after that, comes our rehab house (which will need to be done before Christmas, hopefully), now, the pastor wants him to be a deacon for our church, (I think he is worthy of it, he has come so far from the man I knew 3 years ago), also, I hate our house (it is so small and the neighbors are not nice at all) and lastly, let's pile my yarn shop on top of that.

We were trying to talk today on our cell phones and as usual, we were playing that, "Huh? What did you say? Excuse me? Hello? Hello? Are you there? Can you hear me now?" game when finally he says, "It MUST be your phone, cause I have full signal strength." I replied, "Well, we would have to live out here in the armpit of the county." (I want to add, that is what we BOTH say all the time.) He was quiet for a moment and said, "Please don't beat up on me." I was stunned, "How am I beating you up?" He quietly said, "You hate our house, you are not happy with where or what you have. " Can you say GUILT? Man, I felt horrible. Here he is busting his keester everyday so I can stay home with the kids and "play" and I am making him feel stressed out worse than he already does. How low can you go?

I don't mean to be discontent. I just never thought we would be here this long. When we moved down here I always thought it was a temporary thing. Than one thing led to another and we ended up buying this house from his daddy. Now, 7 years later, it is still half finished, too small and a headache. So, I told him that I was genuinely sorry and from this day forward, not another negative word would come from my mouth on the matter. I also said, that I would not ask for another thing from him as he had too much on his plate now as it was. I also made a mental note; I would tell him tonight that we would just forgo the whole yarn shop thing too. It's an unreasonable and totally unfeasable endeavor at this time. Some dreams are just not meant to be and although it is a sweet one, it does not bless the family right now. We are too spread thin emotionally, financially and physically.

I need to go for now, because, well, I am feeling very selfish and sad right now. I kind of need to go and have a good cry and get it all out of my system. You know what I mean?

Ya'll are great, thanks... May God Bless you in ways that I'll never know ~

katcha